Change of Direction

Life has been hectic for months, as usual and my internet access has been erratic. However this week I deliberately stayed offline in order to get some work done and catch up with home things while the kids are off school.

I'm about to ship a large painting off to the French Riviera and the prospect terrifies me.

I also found a book token that my friend Daryl gave me for my fortieth birthday and went out to gratuitously spend it. It was in Waterstones that I discovered Derren Brown's other skill - painting portraits. His cartoon - like style immediately inspired me. I used to do a lot of cariacatures and I decided to try again as Peter Reeds wanted me to paint him. I also wanted to experiment as I get so caught up in detail that I felt that taking a less photographic approach to a subject would help loosen up my paintings.

I will leave you to judge whether it worked or not.

Rejection

Today was the day when I had to go back up to the East End again and collect my unsuccessful entry for the BP National Portrait Award. It wasn't an entirely depressing affair. I met and chatted with another artist outside called Beka Smith and after a while we exchanged cards - it was interesting discussing the 'business' of portrait painting. She previously came third in the competition and had some great insights. I look forward to meeting her again.

A few people were grumbling that they weren't going to bother entering again. I am, but my painting will be pocket-sized! I'm fed up of lugging such large paintings around.

The guest judge this year was Twiggy. At least now I know she has seen my work! Not necessarily liked it, but seen it...

Incidentally, I just changed my profile photo and this site told me 'fetching profile photo' - I love compliments!

Resolutions

I have had a very good weekend!

One of my paintings and one of my prints were both sold at the shop, and it is always nice when a stranger buys your work without you there. I sold another painting to a friend whose son has been on at her to get it for him and was even prepared to give up his bike at Christmas in order to have the painting. I also had someone agree to buy one of my larger pieces of work. At this rate there will be nothing left on my walls.

I finished my BP National Portrait Award entry in time (just) and then yesterday when I was on my way up to London to deliver it, I received a call about the awkward personal situation which has already had a partial resolution. Everything is working out for me right now.

I was happy with my artwork until I arrived at the drop off place and there was a beautiful painting propped up against the wall; huge, moody and captivating. My work looked like the crayon drawings of a two-year-old by comparison. I unwrapped my entry and handed it over, telling them that it was very off-putting to have something so good within view, but they said, 'You just never know what they are going to pick,' and told me not to worry about it. One woman put on her white gloves to handle my artwork, which made me feel a bit more special!

After meeting an old friend in Covent Garden for a brew, I popped into my favourite bit of the National Portrait Gallery on my way back to Charing Cross station and looked again at the paintings in the contemporary section. My favourite artist had two pieces in there and I spent ages studying them. What surprised me is how small they are. My postcard of John Hurt is larger than the original painting and I didn't expect it to have been painted on a block of wood. I also noticed that there were some effective paintings done on aluminium. I intend to do a bit of experimentation over the next few weeks. Tomorrow is gesso-purchasing day.

So now I'm having a day off, then I am back to the large painting to finish it off ready for shipping, and then I will be combining my writing with some new commissions (with no time limits) and in three months I will be starting my Hilary Halpern commission. I was sitting having coffee with Hilary last week before he went on his world tour and he casually mentioned that he used to sit and have coffee with Picasso...

It's all getting a bit hairy...

This week has been the last possible week to work on my BP National Portrait Award entry.

This week has also been the week that both my children decided to get ill.

I know it is probably very picky of me to want to do my work during daylight hours but I feel that 4am is not my most productive time.

I've now worked my way through the facial hair and the head hair and am trying to do the chest hair... my subject is way too hairy.

It is being framed on Sunday and delivery day is Monday.

I will be having Tuesday off!

One Week to Go

I could not be panicking any more than I am about how little time I have left to finish and frame three paintings. If I knew for certain that the school would not call me and stop me working at any given moment, I would panic less. I have been working most evenings as soon as hubby comes home and not getting back until two or three in the morning. I am wiped out!

I've discovered that the work goes along better if I do it while listening to audio books rather than music. I don't know why. Maybe it is harder to stress about things or be self-conscious when you get into a story. Maybe it enables me to be freer in my painting. I am now halfway through the BBC's adaptation of Lord of the Rings and for some reason, listening to Gollum and Sam bickering makes me more able to paint hair...

More Delays

I did the school-run, had a couple of official phonecalls re. our current awkward situation, went to work, painted for less than an hour on the third (first) painting - the grumpy one - and was phoned by the school to pick up my youngest daughter who they thought was about to have an epileptic fit.

I took her home and she was fine - perfectly well and healthy. So my day is wasted, I'm already tired and in the next five minutes or so I have to go back and do a night stint to catch up.

I don't have time for this.

Too busy to speak, eat or think - but not too busy to smoke and drink...

Help!

I am working myself into the ground as the deadline for the BP National Portrait Award looms. I could do with another two months. I have two weeks. I can't see how I am going to be ready in time. Lots of late nights and early mornings.

Sleep is overrated...

Enforced Time Off

Yesterday I finally came out of hospital. Shortly after my return from the funeral I had extreme pain and had to call an ambulance. On the Saturday I had a CT scan and was told I had a kidney stone. They sent me home with some pain killers but later on that night the pain came again and the painkillers might just as well have been little tablets of air for all the good they did me. The morphine at the hospital (following another trip in the ambulance) worked a lot better and on the Sunday they operated on me. They couldn't find the stone. I had evidently already passed it but the stone and the op had damaged the tube from my kidney to my bladder and caused a blockage and I had a third night of bad pain while my kidney held on to a litre of water! It seems to have cleared now so I am recovering at home, with strong painkillers. An X-ray showed that the stone has definitely gone.

I do not know how I am going to get the National Portrait Award entry completed in time for the deadline. I can't do anything more this week as I cannot sit or stand for more than twenty minutes without having to lie down and recover but today is already much better than yesterday. I am itching to get on with things - even the hoovering - but am trying to hold back as if I have another blockage, it will mean another two operations; one to insert a stent and one a week later to remove it.

I've had enough of being interfered with! I want to get back to the studio. At least I can lie down there now if I have to have a break. The futon is very comfortable. I took it down there so that my models can use it to pose for life paintings and also so that when I am editing my novels I can do so in comfort, with a nice cuppa...

The National Portrait Award 2009

I am continuing to work hard on part three of the triptych. Part one still hasn't been started and there is still work to do on part two... and I only have a couple of weeks left. Of course I'm not panicking.

The nice thing is that I don't have time to fiddle with it. I usually become too pedantic and lost in the detail but now the way I am painting is changing and it constantly surprises me that it happens without a conscious decision to change. Art evolves and the changes are exciting, a mystery tour where the destination is unknown. I love that my style is changing on its own, but unfortunately it makes me loathe my old work. I am now considering throwing some of it away or painting over it - I can't even bear it enough to want to flog it to someone.

I guess I'm evolving too.

In the meantime, it is the rerun of the funeral today - assuming the snow holds off for long enough. I am not looking forward to it but at least I get to spend some precious time with my mother.

The person before the person

Before the resemblance hits my painting of the person I am trying to depict, there is usually another one that sneaks in there first. I don't know why.

At the start, Mark Billingham resembled Osama Bin Laden, Ian Rankin resembled Ian Ogilvy and now the close-up of my husband's face looks like Kenny Everett - all because I put his mouth a little bit too high.

In case you were wondering, I bought all sorts of canvasses yesterday and was finally able to find a pretty close match, so the previous day's work was not wasted.